Earlier this month we visited an ultrasound boutique for the first time and had an entertainment ultrasound done. This is different than a diagnostic/medical ultrasound because it's totally just about getting pictures and watching your baby projected on a big screen. So no measurements are taken and no medical advice was given. Amazing Grace Ultrasound's slogan is "We Make Memories" and we can confidently say that this memory is a good one. :)
We went hoping that maybe in a different context with different people we might get that clear picture of Abigail's face we've been praying for. That didn't happen for us yet but several other wonderful things made it still worth while.
My favorite part was getting to watch Abigail's little hand opening and closing. I could watch that literally all day.
We also learned a couple of new things about Abby. One of the most exciting is that our tech, Gwen, said she saw Abby sucking on her hand! That is HUGE! Babies with anencephaly often aren't able to suck so this is a really big deal and it explains why my fluid levels have been looking good.
And the other fun thing we learned is that Abby is growing a little bit of hair! Probably near her ear.
Although we didn't get a clear shot of her face, we did get a cute side shot. She really looked very snuggly in there and was very difficult to rouse.
Last week we also had maternity photos taken. An hour before starting I was treated to a hair and makeup pampering session. None of this is typically my thing but I really enjoyed our experience and I felt beautiful for the first time in months. This was the first time I've had anything related to my pregnancy to look forward to in such a long time. Abby was very active during the photo shoot. We'll get pictures back in a few weeks but I'm not sure yet if I'll be sharing them with anyone else. Or if I'll be able to look at them right away. What's important is that we had fun making a memory with Abigail.
At our latest medical appointment Abby was declared "stable" again. Her weight is estimated around 3 lbs 10 oz and I'm very pleased with her growth. Her heart rate was 143 bpm. Still no picture of her face. We met a doctor we really like - Dr. B is 1 of 15 on our MFM staff. She gave us really good vibes even as she delivered sad news.
They believe Abigail now has absolutely nothing left above the eyebrow line. She did have some brain matter and tissue before but as with all babies who have anencephaly, the amniotic fluid is wearing away at everything exposed. They aren't able to tell if she still has her brain stem. There's bony matter in the way of getting a good shot. Her brain stem is what would be in charge of regulating her breathing and would give her a chance of ever taking her first breath.
The debate about induction goes on. We expressed as fully and respectfully and firmly as possible our stance and now the team is supposed to be consulting about it - today actually. I'd hoped for a phone call update by now but may not hear back until our next appointment on the 23rd.
We toured labor and delivery and were shown their finest room. Everyone can please now add Dr. B and Room #29 to your prayer lists for us. It's the only room like it but it has an amazing view of the park, a huge tub for me to labor in, and plenty of space. Michael said it was surreal being in there - like he couldn't comprehend that we would actually be in such a place soon. For me...I forgot to be sad. That something sad will most likely happen to us in a room like that. It had such a feeling of joy and anticipation that I got infected with excitement for when it will be our turn to check in. A thrill at the thought of finally getting to meet her. The room was full of sunlight and a baby blanket was laid out on the weighing table and I just couldn't feel anything but happiness standing in that room.
We've booked another appointment with Amazing Grace courtesy of our friend, K. I'm now beyond the hope of a good clear picture of Abigail's face. Now all I want in the world is to lay on the table and watch Abigail on the big projected screen. Watch her wiggle and open and close that little hand. Learn whatever we can about her. And never ever forget what it's like to see her alive and cozy and safe in there.
Someday too soon I will have to return to the "real" world. Time is going to keep moving and we are gong to have to move along with it. But for now, let me live here in this quiet place where the world is small and all there is is me, Michael, and an ultrasound tech in a dark quiet little room watching my baby girl live.
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