There's a big event this Sunday that you should know about!
It's Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness week/month and October 15th is the big rally - the International Wave of Light. I first became aware of Wave of Light a few years ago when I saw advertisements for a Wave of Light walk/run. Last year I was hyper-aware of it because I was massively pregnant with Abigail and our due date was looming nearer. This year will be our first year officially recognizing and participating in it.
Just a little while ago I sent out a Snapchat of some amazing shirts Abel Speaks got to us just in time for the Wave of Light.
To my surprise, I got several questions back from different people about what Wave of Light is. I have anticipated this weekend so much that I didn't even think to dedicate a post to it to give you all a heads-up. But you should know what it is and you should definitely participate too!
I read that this all got started in the 1980s in the USA and evolved into the International Wave of Light we have today. It's really quite simple. The idea is that everyone everywhere who knows of a baby who was lost too soon lights a candle at 7 pm on October 15th and keeps it lit for a full hour in honor of that child. Due to time changes, this creates a symbolic and literal "wave of light" that travels all the way around the globe.
Can I participate if I haven't lost a baby?
YES! Please do! Light a candle in Abigail's honor - or more than one in honor of more babies whose stories you may have learned. There are several shops that make candles just for this day and purpose but you don't have to have any special candle. What matters is that you are participating. Post a picture of your candle and tag it online to help spread awareness.
There are millions of families around the globe who are still grieving their loss - sometimes decades after it happened. In many places and especially in the generations before my own the loss of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, or life-limiting diagnosis was a taboo subject. I have corresponded with women around the globe and many of them are in their 50s and 60s and just talking about their loss for the first time this past year. Most of them are women who chose to keep their baby with anencephaly, like me, but at the time when they had their babies, they were not even allowed to hold the baby. The child was rushed away to another room and the mothers and fathers were encouraged to move on as quickly as possible "to heal."
Why should I participate?
To Spread Awareness Thankfully, so much has changed and improved. But what has not changed is that loss is loss. Whether a baby is lost in week 6 of pregnancy, week 21, or at 6 weeks old - the baby was lost. All loss is painful and unique and no pain can be compared or weighed against another. And this type of loss is so common - 1 in 4 couples will lose a child in this way. The more aware we are as a society, the more compassionate we become. Programs are developed to support these families. Foundations are started and research is done. Research that could lead to saving these little lives. And grieving men and women feel permission to speak up and share their stories - maybe after decades of silence.
To Honor a Specific Child The candle is, at the end of the night, in memory of someone special. When you choose to light a candle for that child, you recognize their personhood and that their life mattered - their life still matters. If you are a Christian, you are recognizing that that baby no matter how small was created in the image of God and therefore has eternal significance. You are giving literal light to the faith that is anchoring us - faith that says that child's life is safe in Christ and continues on in His presence in perfect peace and joy. You are taking a moment to remember him/her.
To Stand in Solidarity & Support of a Family You Love If nothing else you are loving someone else. You know someone who has lost a child. If you don't think you know someone who has lost a child, then you haven't heard the whole of everyone's stories. 1 in 4 means you know someone - you probably know more than one someone. There is always a wave of love to families like mine who speak up about what is happening - at first. But after a while that love you have for that family may continue but it is intangible. You may remember their child but it hasn't come up in a long time. People stop saying their names and remembering milestones. We do not forget. Not for a single day. Abigail is always on my mind. Sometimes I suddenly remember her and panic. I wonder when the last time was that I thought of her, only to realize that I was thinking of her an hour ago and it is so natural to me now that it is like breathing. I don't think about the fact that I'm doing it - the remembering. I know that if you light a candle for a child this Sunday at 7 pm and you send a picture to that child's family, they will be grateful. They will feel your love and support. And even if it's the only day of the year that you do something like this, it will be a comfort. It will say "You are not alone. I have not forgotten. And right now I am with you."
How do I participate in Wave of Light?
Light a candle at 7 pm on October 15th in memory of a baby lost too soon and keep it lit for a full hour
Consider posting a picture of that candle with a hashtag on social media to raise awareness or at least sending that picture to the child's parents
Attend a Wave of Light ceremony virtually or in person - we were invited to at least 3 - one put on by our church and two put on by secular organizations in our community. Do some Googling for Wave of Light Ceremonies Near Me
Participate in a fundraiser - like a walk-run. Host a fundraiser of your own!
Donate to organizations like Abel Speaks which provides support to families like ours
Give blood! Especially moms who experience stillbirth are at an increased risk for hemorrhaging
Say their name and share their story - over coffee with someone new or even on social media
Plan for next year! Especially if you are a Pastor or are involved in some public way, plan to host a Wave of Light ceremony near you next year.
We will be wearing our new shirts and will be attending our church's Wave of Light ceremony. I volunteered to help but was firmly and appropriately told I'd be sitting this one out and just enjoying this one. It is our first one after all. We will gather at 6 and there will be some sort of honor ceremony - our babies' names were all collected for it. They'll have candles to decorate, although I plan to bring Abigial's candle that we used when I gave her a bath last year. Then at 7 we will all light our candles and enjoy a dinner in the candlelight with our families.
If you're still reading Abigail Speaks blog posts, I can only say a very deep heartfelt thank you. In addition to this weekend, we are also preparing for Abigail's first birthday coming up on October 21st. Your love and support means the world to us. I hope this post is helpful to you and that you will light a candle for Abby this Sunday!
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